In June this year I decided to spend eighteen days in Italy. The first seven on a painting holiday in Sicily followed by ten days in Lerici in a villa on the coast. In between the two locations I needed to spend one night in a hotel near Pisa so that the next day I could be at the airport to meet my friend who was joining me for the second part of my holiday.
I asked my son-in-law (who loves playing travel agent) to find me somewhere nice to stay not too far from the airport.
Which was how I ended up in a very smart spa hotel called the Bagni di Pisa. Usually in such a situation I order room service because I really dislike eating alone in a dining room full of couples and families. But this time I decided to bite the bullet and style it out. I was there bang on 7.30 pm as the restaurant opened and, instead of poking me out of sight in a corner by the toilets, the Maitre d’ gave me a great table from which vantage point I could watch and admire a parade of quite glamorous couples as they entered. I also noticed some drama being played out between a seemingly furious head waiter and a couple of young waiters who kept smirking behind his back. It was all very ‘White Lotus’ and enormously entertaining.
This experience taught me a very important lesson. That eating alone in a public place doesn’t have to feel stigmatising or somehow shameful. You don’t have to take a book to read or keep checking your phone to make it look as though you have a rich internal or external life, You can just sit there absorbing the atmosphere, eating the food slowly and deliberately, and indulging in a spot of people watching whilst weaving fantasies about what might really be going on between that older guy who looks like a film-director and his ridiculously good-looking young male companion. Braving the restaurant alone felt like I’d finally overcome an important barrier. From now on, given the opportunity, I intend to choose the dining room over room service every time.
I have lived more or less on my own for about thirty years and I’d like to pass on some of the ways that I have found to successfully ‘go it alone.’ I hope I’m able to strike a positive and optimistic note to those who dread the thought of ending up alone, or those who may have lost both their life partner and their confidence. I want to reassure you that it’s perfectly possible to live enjoyably as a single person.
Day to Day Life. I was 42 when I got divorced and was immediately on a steep learning curve because my ex-husband had made all the important decisions about boring things like mortgages, savings, insurances, pensions and budgeting for our family. I had no personal pension and the divorce settlement was a ‘clean break’ in which I’d have no claim in retirement on his generous final-salary pension. Many will say that I have been lucky to be in my current situation, but my advice would be ‘don’t be an ostrich’. Plan, prepare, educate yourself and be prepared to ask difficult questions and take difficult decisions. Taking responsibility for every aspect of your own life is actually very liberating.
Living Alone. I spend a great deal of time alone and yet I can honestly say that I’m never lonely. Of course there are certain people that I miss dreadfully, but I don’t dwell on what I no longer have or what could have been. Instead I concentrate my time and attention on those (often small) pleasurable things which enrich my life every day and make it worth living. I enjoy the company of my friends and I am lucky to have my family living nearby, but I don’t depend on them for either entertainment or pleasure. For instance, I love the theatre and cinema but instead of relying on someone else to come with me, I book a single matinee ticket and go on my own. It felt odd at first, but now I don’t give it a second thought, and it means that I get to see all the latest films or shows that interest me.
Travelling Alone. Road trips, train travel, long haul and short haul, over the years I have done them all alone. Until I sold my French house in 2021 when I was 73, I drove myself the length of France, a car journey of around 12 hours. I used to wile away those hours with books on tape, always choosing a story that would keep me company for the entire trip and, if the story was particularly enthralling, I’d not want to arrive! For plane and train trips I now allow loads and loads of extra time to reduce any stress, restrict the weight of my luggage as much as possible, and take my trusty Kindle for company. I also find that the older I get, the nicer people are to me if I have a problem. For instance, If I’m struggling with my case, some lovely young man will often offer to carry it up or down the stairs for me.
Holidaying Alone. This has always been a major challenge for me which I solved for 24 years by having a second home in France where I could spend the summer months, often for longish stretches of time alone. Now it’s sold, I need to find new solutions. In the past I have been on four very enjoyable photography holidays on my own, so recently I have substituted photography for my latest passion of water colour painting. Last year I spent a wonderful week in Tuscany, this year I went to Sicily and in October I’m going for another painting week to Andalusia in Spain. It’s much easier to be in a group of total strangers if you share a common interest and have that focus for any organised trips. The company that I use, Flavours Holidays, also offers courses in gorgeous locations in Pilates, Italian cookery and Italian language.
Joining Groups. An excellent way to meet new people, fill any yawning gaps in your weekly schedule and to get out of the house is obviously to join a group. This could be for fitness (pilates, Nordic walking, ballet, yoga), mental stimulation (U3A, language classes, Bridge) or just for pleasure and fun (a Rock Choir). In many ways Super Troopers and Look Fabulous Forever are the groups that I belong to. I meet the LFF team in person from time to time and twice a week we all get together via zoom. Our focus is obviously the business, but, as with any group, there is also a social side and a sense of belonging. If you feel hesitant about joining a ‘physical’ group then do think about joining our virtual group of Super Troopers. This is leading to more and more get-togethers for lunch or afternoon tea between Super Troopers in different areas, so you may find a whole new group of lovely like-minded friends.
A very dear friend whose husband has just gone into residential care with advanced dementia, said to me recently “I put the key in the door and it hits me once again that there’s no-one waiting for me on the other side.” I hope you don’t think badly of me when I say that I put my key in the door and am filled with joy at the prospect of being on my own. For many years now I have embraced my single state. I am not ‘on the lookout’ for someone else to make my life complete because I long ago decided to make my own life complete. Selfish? Maybe! Self-directed most certainly. But I'm also very happy about going it alone.
Tricia x
Watch Our Latest Video...
Top Tips for Applying Makeup to Sensitive Eyes
Top Tips for Applying Makeup to Sensitive Eyes
Makeup Artist Sally shows us a full makeover on Sandra aged 77, focusing on how to apply your eye makeup when you struggle with sensitive and streaming eyes...
Upcoming Events:
Tricia's Film Club Friday's will return on September 1st. Keep an eye on our events schedule for upcoming events here: https://www.lookfabulousforever.com/a-bright-spot-for-your-day
